Since the crash, I've been worried about work and am glad that 2009 is over. Lately, I've been thinking a lot about the future of the company and often worry about what lays ahead. My very wise friend J once said that sometimes the people needed to grow a company aren't always the same people that have been with the company. With much apprehension, I've come to realize that
I am the growth inhibitor. I may not be smart or creative enough to maneuver through this phase... and it freaks me out.
Recently a horrible customer yelled, among a flurry of irrational insults, that I would never be my father. What a miserable b*tch. This was not the first time that someone had tried to berate me because of my position as either a woman, an Asian American woman, or simply for being unapologetic.
I'm fully aware that in business, it's about relationships, and sometimes you have to give a little to get a little back. I get it. The same people who try to impress upon me the memories of the "good ol' days" are probably also the same people that would have kicked my dad when he was down or taken advantage of his good nature, underestimating his generosity as a weakness. So, I say no. Not no thank you - just NO.
It's true, I will never be my dad, but it's time for me to step out and define my time with the company. At this point, It's hard to have confidence in my decisions. I leave work everyday disappointed in myself and drive away from the office with a lead foot, feeling as if I'm fleeing. I'm not certain what is next but know that I can't do it alone.
I'll feel better in the morning.
