Breathe and Count to 2010
Since the crash, I've been worried about work and am glad that 2009 is over. Lately, I've been thinking a lot about the future of the company and often worry about what lays ahead. My very wise friend J once said that sometimes the people needed to grow a company aren't always the same people that have been with the company. With much apprehension, I've come to realize that I am the growth inhibitor. I may not be smart or creative enough to maneuver through this phase... and it freaks me out.
Recently a horrible customer yelled, among a flurry of irrational insults, that I would never be my father. What a miserable b*tch. This was not the first time that someone had tried to berate me because of my position as either a woman, an Asian American woman, or simply for being unapologetic.
I'm fully aware that in business, it's about relationships, and sometimes you have to give a little to get a little back. I get it. The same people who try to impress upon me the memories of the "good ol' days" are probably also the same people that would have kicked my dad when he was down or taken advantage of his good nature, underestimating his generosity as a weakness. So, I say no. Not no thank you - just NO.
It's true, I will never be my dad, but it's time for me to step out and define my time with the company. At this point, It's hard to have confidence in my decisions. I leave work everyday disappointed in myself and drive away from the office with a lead foot, feeling as if I'm fleeing. I'm not certain what is next but know that I can't do it alone.
I'll feel better in the morning.
Recently a horrible customer yelled, among a flurry of irrational insults, that I would never be my father. What a miserable b*tch. This was not the first time that someone had tried to berate me because of my position as either a woman, an Asian American woman, or simply for being unapologetic.
I'm fully aware that in business, it's about relationships, and sometimes you have to give a little to get a little back. I get it. The same people who try to impress upon me the memories of the "good ol' days" are probably also the same people that would have kicked my dad when he was down or taken advantage of his good nature, underestimating his generosity as a weakness. So, I say no. Not no thank you - just NO.
It's true, I will never be my dad, but it's time for me to step out and define my time with the company. At this point, It's hard to have confidence in my decisions. I leave work everyday disappointed in myself and drive away from the office with a lead foot, feeling as if I'm fleeing. I'm not certain what is next but know that I can't do it alone.
I'll feel better in the morning.
posted by tina at 11:37 PM
9 Comments:
I'm sorry to hear that you're having a tough time right now. But you've always been one of the most capable people I've ever known. Say what you want about being smart or creative, but when it comes down to it, I feel like you always get things done well and always get to your goals.
Your friend J is right in the sense that sometimes new blood is needed because the people who have been with the company are too ingrained with habits and routines. They don't adjust over time. But your post already shows that you're cognizant of the changing situation and your role in it. And knowing is half the battle. (GI Joe, real american hero!)
You've done well thus far so you have to trust yourself and your decisions since that's what got you here. The feelings you have may not be pleasant, but that's what makes it worthwhile to achieve and overcome. It's part of growth and experience. It's hard to have good without the bad, and to have the happys without the sads.
Ok, that's it for my wannabe pep talk. Hope you're feeling a bit better today. Not sure if I can really help in anyway, but I'm always here as are most of our friends. At the very least, I'm good for an ice cream run when I'm in LA.
-Ken
Hey Tina,
Sucks to hear about your problems there. It seems like it's one of the most stressful things you've ever had to deal with. You should never think that you are the growth inhibitor. There are so many factors that go into running a business - and knowing how smart you are, I find it hard to believe that would be the case.
I know very little about your situation/role that you play there, so I can only offer advice in the form of encouragement and a friendly reminder that you shouldn't be so hard on yourself - because you have a multitude of friends who know how amazing you are.
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[hug] i'm sorry things suck right now. i agree with ken; understanding and acknowledging the situation and what you're feeling is half the battle.
trust your instincts about what feels right. and remember that your friends are always there if you ever need help or someone to talk to. :)
hope you're feeling better. [hug]
i should qualify that when i say "trust your instincts" it's not to confirm your doubts about yourself. totally and completely the opposite. i'm trying to say trust yourself in whatever you decide. you've made good decisions for yourself so far.
i hope that's how it came across. :P
That lady is a douchebag. Everyone knows it. While it was definitely a dickmove on her part, it was purely a business thing... nothing personal. The customer didn't get what she wanted so she took an unprofessional stab to get a rise out of you. Stand in the Customer Service line at Walmart, and you'll see similar instances occur more often and at more irrational levels. People like her spews out obnoxious remarks with no discretion for consequence. I repeat, that lady was a douchebag.
Besides, it's pretty obvious that none of us will be a asskickingly awesome as Dad, so we shouldn't use his accomplishments as a reference to gauge our own success. In my book, Dad is up there with Gandhi and the guy that started Taco Bells... they've done too much and they're way out of our league. Being a entrepreneur is all about trial and error. We make educated decision, take chances, and move on from past mistakes. Don't be too hard on yourself.
And when the stress level gets to be too much, I heard you have a very good-looking brother there to help cushion the punches.
Thanks for all your support everyone! Sometimes I overthink and let things get to me and then feel lost...so I write to sort things out. I'm a little embarrassed about being a baby about things. Thank goodness for friends and family!
Times are rough for everyone, so don't blame yourself for things not being better. Think of it as an opportunity to experiment with new philosophies that you otherwise would never implement when the status quo will suffice. And don't get hung up on individual defined contributions. Success is always due to a collaborative effort; definitely no need to go it alone.
Yes, I know, another cliched attempt at reassurance, but at least I didn't embarrass myself with "half the battle." Wait. Okay, guys, I'm ready for my hate shower.
Seriously, though, fuck this "growth inhibitor/you will never be your dad" bullshit. This funk will blow over soon enough. No more self-doubt. Cheer up.
I've actually been very impressed with your accomplishments at the company and your business acumen. While your dad has achieved great things, you shouldn't strive to imitate him, but concentrate on your many strengths (and I think you're very smart and creative) and how you bring something different and necessary to the company. I think it takes awhile to figure out your specific role and place, but everyone knows that you serve a necessary and valuable function there, and good for you for not listening to that miserable b*tch who's too stupid to get what she wants. Do not let someone who knows NOTHING try to tell you what to think (imagine the damage caused when smart ppl listen to dumb ones). You're not trying to be your dad, you're not supposed to be your dad, and that's important to remember. You can accomplish great things in YOUR way, and it works better in some areas, and not as good in others, but it's better than trying to do things that go against your instincts. People who know you best (and much better than any customer or client) know that you're competent, intelligent, savvy, and creative, among a host of other things. I'm glad you've got family members there to get your back, too. I also think your dad is very proud of you and thinks he's very lucky to have you there. (I'm using Patti's computer, so even though it says "Patti," it's actually Hanie)
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