A Virtual Disagreement

Last week Ken and I had a disagreement. He had written an entry in his online journal describing some challenges Asian American men encounter when dating in mainstream America. It wasn’t that I didn’t think stereotypes exist because they do. What I didn’t agree with were the generalizations made to explain how/why these stereotypes are perpetuated.

In response I wrote a very mean comment. It was excessively harsh and I felt (or still feel) bad for posting the comment. Instead of taking the time to understand how his negative expereinces have effected him, I just called him some mean names, and that was wrong. In short, it seems like both Ken and I are weary of having to deal with other people's preconceived notions.... so in a way, we share the same frustration. I also felt bad because I knew Ken would never intentionally hurt my feelings.

During lunch the next day I explained the situation to my dad. Without much hesitation, he said I was wrong and asked why I was fighting with my friend. My dad then gave me the following scenario: Walking down the street you see a man. His appearance offends you - it can be whatever, his hair, his cologne, etc. Do you continue to walk and let him be or do you take a stick and try to pound some sense into him? I would leave him alone and let him be. Dad said that sometimes people get too caught up in trying to define right and wrong that they forget how to coexist with one another. Everyone has a different life experience and it was wrong of me to render Ken's perspective as invalid or less valid. He then added "That's why there's so many flavors of ice cream."